Hello, Hello, Baby, You Called?

.. I can't hear a thing.

The trials and trauma of a phone conversation: a Deaf person's perspective.

Telephones terrify me. Not their physical form, but the practice of making and receiving calls. What began as a preference for texts or email (understandable, for someone with hearing loss) soon developed into aversion and eventually, as my hearing continued to deteriorate, near-total avoidance. “Just drop me a text instead?” or, “I’ll tell you about it when I see you” became entrenched in my telephone vernacular. Depending on my mood (Do I have the energy for the intense concentration required for a phone call? Am I feeling confident enough to rise to the challenge at this moment in time?) I sometimes ignore phone calls, regardless of who they’re from, and follow up with a “Sorry I missed your call” text accompanied by what I hope is a believable excuse.

Telling whoever is on the other end of the phone that I’m hard of hearing, and reiterating the need to speak clearly and enunciate opposed to simply raising their voice, often appears to translate as: speak as loudly as is humanly possible and give Dom Joly a run for his money (“YEAH, I’M JUST GETTING A SKINNY CAPPUCHINO LATTE MUCHO GRANDE.”) This is not helpful, and can even make the conversation more difficult. Thankfully, there is so much that a hearing person CAN do to alleviate the stresses of phone conversations…

Top Tips/ Advice for Making Phone Calls to the Deaf and Hard of Hearing:

1. Don’t Shout

This is not an episode of Trigger Happy TV. You’re speaking to someone who struggles to hear speech, making oral communication extremely difficult. With sensorineural hearing loss, certain high frequency phonemes – think “sh” and “th” – will sound the same, making deciphering words very challenging (or near impossible). This is why so many of us rely on lipreading… we need to see your mouth forming these letters. Over the phone, of course, lipreading isn’t an option. Therefore, prioritise clarity over volume.

Imagine this hypothetical scenario: your other half is making a quick supermarket run; they’ve closed the door behind them when you decide you quite fancy a glass of wine (I’m speaking from personal experience here.) You bang fervently on the window to attract their attention. There’s no point shouting (double-glazing innit) so you need to mime. Imagine you can only use your mouth to communicate with them – pointing and gesturing are not allowed (basically the opposite of charades). How would you ensure they know you’ve asked for “wine” and not “wipe” without making any physical gestures? How would you shape your mouth to show the difference between the "n" and "p" sounds? Apply this technique when speaking to a Deaf or HoH (Hard of Hearing) person. Enunciation is crucial.

2. Text “Minutes”

At the end of your call, ask whether they would like you to send them a text summarising what you've just spoken about (just as you would receive minutes of a meeting at work). This assures me that I understood what was said and allows me to follow up anything I may have misheard. It’s also useful to refer back to should I forget the content of the conversation. Hearing loss and poor memory often go hand-in-hand, as the brain has to work harder to process sounds - because of this, the brain has no choice but to use additional cognitive resources from elsewhere, resources also needed to store/memorise information.

3. A Preamble

Similar to the above, why not send the person a brief text message outlining what you’d like to speak to them about before you make the phone call. Fundamental to successful oral communication is context. It assists me whilst I'm trying to decipher words (or at the very least helps me make an educated guess!)

4. Never Say "It Doesn't Matter"

It does. Everything you say matters, even if it feels insignificant to you. We deserve to hear everything that a hearing person would. Hearing loss can be incredibly isolating and have a profound impact on mental health. Everyone has the right to be included.

5. Reduce – and Preferably Eliminate – Background Noise

For us, background noises are the Sith. They create a major barrier to the process of speech interpretation. Luckily, this issue can easily be remedied. Even with full hearing, a noisy environment can make it difficult to hear what someone is saying (such as a concert, for example). This is what it’s like for Deaf/HoH people on a daily basis, in any and every environment. Turn off anything in the room producing sound, such as the TV. If the washing machine is on, leave the room and move to one that is quieter. If you're not at home, find a quiet spot. Which brings me to my next tip…

6. Avoid Speakerphone

…UNLESS YOU’RE DRIVING, OF COURSE! If you are driving and have the necessary technology you could “Ask Siri” to send a text to the recipient and dictate this - ensure your number one priority is concentrating on your driving, though. Preferably, just pull over! Whatever you’d like to say, we deserve to know, and making what is – in the grand scheme of things – a tiny adjustment to making a call in the car will make the world of difference. Speakerphone in any environment, however, is very unhelpful, particularly if you're in a room that's not conducive to clear sounds (think large, echoey rooms with high ceilings.) Making adjustments shows you appreciate the difficulties Deaf/HoH people face on the phone and are willing to make an effort to alleviate them.

7. Demonstrate Respect

- Avoid becoming frustrated with them. I imagine it must feel incredibly frustrating being asked to repeat yourself multiple times, but if you want to have a conversation with me you're just going to have to have to accept it. Trust me, it’s incredibly frustrating for us, too!

- Persevere and repeat yourself whenever they ask, or if you suspect they may have misheard you. You don’t need to repeat everything you’ve said leading up to that point – sometimes it’s only a single word I need repeating and, if you give me a couple of seconds before diving into repetition, I’ll let you know!

- Practise empathy. Ask yourself how you would feel if every conversation – even a short exchange – was incredibly difficult. How would you feel having to ask someone to repeat themselves multiple times? Would it cause you embarrassment? Would it make you despondent? Be kind and understanding (but not patronising).

8. Just Ask!

The tips above are things I consider helpful for me, but everyone is different. Asking a Deaf or HoH individual what you can do to alleviate the barriers we face – both over the phone and in person – shows that you value us. You appreciate these difficulties and are committed to easing them to the best of your abilities. Trust me, we are extremely grateful.